Most men’s greatest fear is NOT BEING ENOUGH. And what exacerbates this problem even further is the Comparison Syndrome, where we’re always looking at other men and questioning our own worth. So here’s the inner dialogue…
“I can’t have what he has because he’s better than me!”
In fact, this fear of not being enough is so powerful that it drains your hopes and dreams, forcing you to sabotage your goals by giving up prematurely.
What happens then is you start feeling like less of a man. Suddenly, you start questioning your worth, your abilities, whether you deserve it or not. And then the inevitable happens – you give up and become a victim of your own fear.
You look back in time and regret your past mistakes, wondering if you could have done things differently, feeling like you would have been a lot further ahead in relation to your dreams and desires. And as long as your eyes are fixated on the past, your future becomes a blur. You get trapped into this dark black hole where there’s no hope and no end in sight. And that problem, if left unchecked, leads you down the spiraling road of despair.
Sounds dramatic, but even the greatest men among us rub up against this FEAR, which creates a ceiling that limits the capacity to reach the next level.
The Fear As Fuel Trap
Unbeknownst to many, it is this fear that keeps you in that vicious cycle, where one moment you’re completely motivated and working towards your goals out of fear, and then when you don’t achieve them, you become demotivated, start questioning your worth and fall back to the comparison syndrome.
And I’ve been there myself where I’m comparing and falling deeper and deeper into my own fear. But eventually, that same fear forces me back into the pursuit of my goals. Probably the same for you, you get tired of being bullied, so you fight back to become better.
The problem is when Fear becomes Fuel, it also becomes a trap. It’s like a pendulum that keeps swinging back and forth between these two extremes of being motivated and moving forward to being crushed and crashed on the curb.
How To Get Out Of The Fear Trap
So how do you get out of the fear trap? Well, you need to notice when you’re going in the opposite direction. Because at that point, when the pendulum is at equilibrium, you should notice that you’re headed in the wrong direction.
Here is where you put on the brakes and shift your thinking towards a more optimistic approach that keeps you going forward. This will keep you in the positive zone, on the right side of the pendulum.
Remember, what drives a man’s success – is optimism – and the ability to maintain it. And it’s not that you should never get into the negative zone. The trick is to realize when you’re in that zone and to get out of it sooner. How?
Identify Your Vision & Goals
That moment when you feel like you’re falling out of your positive zone, remember your vision of success and the goals that you have. Stop pause, reflect, and study:
- What is my vision for success?
- Why am I committed to it?
- What goals align with my vision of success?
- How do I know I’ve succeeded?
- What is the next step I need to take?
- And so on…
Once you reconnect to your vision, and identify your goals, align all your actions so that they maximize your pursuit.
Align With People That Support Your Vision
The second step is to identify people who share in your vision. These are the people who will lift you up when you hit the pit. They’re the people that will remind you you’re headed in the wrong direction and that you need to change course.
Conversely, remove or reduce contact with people who do not support your vision and goals. This includes not only those who don’t want what you want, but also people who negatively impact you emotionally.
Understand Challenges are a Means for Growing
Challenges remind us that we can do better, that there’s something we’re not doing. They tell you, “You need to level up your skills, your talent and your abilities.” And when you hear that, you can then say it’s time for some growth. And growth is really the only motivation we need to keep going.
- Be Persistent and Consistent: Bruce Lee once said, “Consistency beats intensity.” Simply put, you’re in for the long haul. You’re pursuing your goals for the long-term. But that’s where most Incomplete Men fail. Because if you don’t see the progress, you’ll slow down or lose your momentum. You have to keep going even when you fail by keeping your eyes on the ball.
- Maintain Momentum: How do you do that? By celebrating the small wins, because for every five small wins, there’s going to be at least one loss, and you can’t dwell on that. These small wins keep you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually engaged in the right direction. They’ll help you maintain that momentum towards your goals.
The 3C’s of Crushing Fear
The Incomplete Man learns to live with fear, never challenging himself to take them on. But not you. You’ve decided to face your fear and to become a Complete Man. And in my experience, having coached men at the highest levels, there are three things that Complete Men receive as a reward for facing fear.
- Confidence: You’re less likely to compare yourself to other men as you’re confident of your abilities. You know you’re enough and that you’ve got this.
- Character: That confidence will help you build a new character, which are mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. In short, you become a new revitalized you, a top performer who’s ready to face your challenges, and ultimately hit all your goals and gain Complete Victory.
- Cash: And with confidence and character comes MORE success in your career and business. Most have it reversed; they think more cash will give them confidence and character.
How To Become The Complete Man
That fear you have about not being enough, feeling worthless, feeling less of a man, is all in your imagination. It’s holding you from having Complete Victory and becoming The Complete Man. So if you want to learn the science of overcoming fear and how to build a successful life as a businessman, father, and husband, get my new book, The Complete Man. In it, you’ll get the blueprint to elevate every area of your life.