Men strive to be high-performers at work but many times, they’re not high-performers in their relationship. The truth is that they haven’t been trained to be. Men been trained to be the opposite. We seek money, fame, status and fulfillment from the material world – things like big houses, fancy cars and our names on headlines. All of this is great! There’s nothing wrong with wanting this. But rarely does this bring true happiness if your relationship with your wife isn’t fulfilling.
The challenge is that modern society has painted men to be a unidirectional, selfish and controlling. Yes, there are men like this out there. But not all men are like this. I bet one of the reasons why you’re working so hard is because you want to provide the best life for your family. You’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness because they mean the world to you. So don’t fall into the trap that there’s something wrong with you. You’re doing the best you can.
However, if your relationship isn’t going the way you want it to, you have something to do with it. You have to take accountability. It’s not going to get better until you take charge. Most of the problems we’ve helped men overcome stem from men being weak in their relationships. They’re strong everywhere else, but for some reason, they turn into pussycats when it comes to dealing with their wives.
You should never be controlling or demeaning. That’s the sign of a weak alpha male. You need to be a mindful alpha male. A man who stands his ground, has complete control over himself, protects and gives to others, all while being his true self. When you combine compassion with strength, it’s a powerful combo that no one can undermine.
Here are three things you need to focus on to becoming a mindful alpha male
1. Stand Up for Yourself in Your Relationship
Your values are what make you who you are. Your wife should not cause you to waiver on your values. Unfortunately, we see this too often. Men are no longer living to their own standards in their relationship. Instead, they live to their wife’s standards. Society criticizes men for taking charge in their relationship these days. If you feel like you’re living a life that you don’t want to live, stand up for yourself and change it.
The moment you start living in alignment with whom you want to be, it’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You won’t care what others think of you, including your wife because you are being the man you want to be. Not who others what you to be. The caveat is that you’re a man of good character and integrity. Deciding to be a thief or jackass isn’t the best route.
Write down the values you want to live by and stand by them.
2. Be Prepared to be Alone
The moment you take ownership of your life and decide to be and live as the man you want to be, your wife will either accept it or not. You deserve to be with a woman who respects and appreciates you for who you are more than what level of income you make.
This poses a risk. She may decide to pick up and leave, taking half or more of what you’re worth and your kids too. It’s a reality you may have to come to terms with. I was afraid of this very outcome and as a result, I bent to my wife’s will. I found myself doing things that I wasn’t happy about because of this fear that she would leave.
The moment I accepted losing my kids and wealth, things instantly changed for me. I started to act and behave like a new man. Nothing bothered me anymore. She couldn’t rope me into an argument because I stayed calm. I was in essence, okay with the outcome because I was proud of who I was being. The best part was none of the bad stuff came true, because our marriage actually became even stronger.
Get over the fact that you have sunken costs in your relationship. It’s better to lose what you have now than to live a life of regret years later. But first, be the best version of yourself which includes being the best husband you can be as well.
3. Learn What Makes a Healthy Relationship
A relationship is like the other activities or hobbies you have in your life. They require skill and talent to be good at it. No man is naturally gifted at being a good husband and father. No woman is either. It’s something we learn from our role models such as our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc. Ready about relationships or take courses if you have to. I’m surprised to see how many men and women neglect to develop their relationship skills.
Take time and energy out to be better at your relationship. Encourage your wife to do the same.
Relationships aren’t easy and that’s why is requires you to be the best version of yourself.
All the best on your relationship journey!
Purdeep Sangha
The Strategist For Businessmen
