Being a high-performance and business coach for successful male executives and entrepreneurs, you may be wondering why I’m writing about the topic “why men cheat.” The reason is because your marriage has a significant impact on your career or business results. The quality of your marriage also determines whether you feel like The Complete Man or more like the incomplete man. Your marriage is a direct reflection of you.
Although I do not condone cheating, I know that even good men cheat. Some of my good friends have cheated on their wives. And these are good guys with good values who would do anything for their families. I’ve even considered cheating on my wife when things weren’t going well in my relationship. I never would, but I know that feeling when you feel like you’re stuck. Cheating is truly unfortunate because it hurts everyone who is involved. If you’ve considered it, it doesn’t make you a bad guy, it just makes you human. Just remember that your character is the most important element of being a man. You have to determine what character you want to have and live with for the rest of your life.
Why Men Stay In Crappy Relationships
If you’ve considered cheating, you have two options: cheat or don’t cheat. Cheating only happens if you stay in a relationship. If you decide to leave an unfulfilling relationship first, it’s not cheating. You’ve just moved on. The problem is that many men who cheat haven’t moved on. You hang on to your relationship even if it’s not fulfilling you. In fact, eight out of ten men I work with tell me that they are NOT fulfilled in their marriage. That’s a surprisingly high number although I’m no longer surprised when a man tells me he’s not happy.
Men, for the most part, have good intentions and want to do what’s right. That’s why they stay in their marriage. Here are the main reasons why men stay in unfulfilled marriages:
- You want to do what’s right.
- You want to be a good man with good values.
- You feel the pressure from society to stay in a marriage because divorce is a strike against your character.
- You have strong faith or belief in “making it work.”
- You don’t want your kids to grow up in a broken home.
- You don’t want another man raising your kids.
- You don’t want to lose half your wealth in a divorce.
- You want it to work deep down.
- You truly care about your wife and you don’t want to hurt her.
Whatever your reason(s) is for staying in the relationship, just realize that you are teaching your kids the exact same behavior. Your behavior will likely influence the outcome of their future relationships, good or bad.
Why Men Cheat
Now let’s get straight to why you may being considering cheating or why you may already have. The main reason why men cheat is because they are not getting what they need from their relationship. Bottom line! You are a creature of emotions and needs. You have desires that need to be met. If they aren’t, it’s natural to want it elsewhere. The key is to be open with your wife about what you need and communicate it in a mindful and respectful way. Two people are in a marriage to meet each other’s needs. In fact, marriage is a commitment to meet each other’s needs.
Here are the fundamental reasons why men cheat:
- Lack of sexual fulfilment
- The need to desire someone or the need to be desired (aka “the hunt”)
- Not being respected in your relationship
- Being controlled
- Not being accepted for being who you are
- Lack of emotional connection
- Lack of appreciation
- Lost the connection with your spouse
Good or bad, there is always a reason behind a man cheating.
The Impact Of Cheating
Yes, there are men out there who just lack respect for their wife and relationship and it’s easy for them to cheat. But for the vast majority of men, cheating is extremely difficult. If you’ve cheated, you may carry around a burden like no other. I’ve seen men crumble after cheating because they couldn’t look themselves in the mirror. It’s not a pretty sight. Think really hard before you make the choice to cheat but also think harder about staying in a relationship that isn’t giving you what you want. You only live once and you deserve to be happy in your relationship. Also realize that it doesn’t make you a bad man for having thoughts of cheating. It’s your actions that count, not your thoughts.
All the best!
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