If you’re a highly motivated man, you may find yourself asking whether you’ve outgrown the relationship you have with a particular individual or even group of individuals. You are not the same man you were a few years ago or a decade ago. If you are the same man, you should consider whether you’re growing at the pace you should be. The world is a rapidly evolving place and to keep up, you need to be growing as well. But you may find that others around you aren’t growing and that could be holding you back from experiencing life and all its potential.
Why It’s Important To Evaluate Your Relationship
After years of coaching men, I’ve noticed that the most successful and fulfilled men are those who have a quality and healthy relationship with those closest to them. This includes the relationship you have with your wife, your kids, your best friend, your dad, your mom, etc. You evaluate your employees and their performance on a regular basis (hopefully) so why wouldn’t you evaluate the performance of those who are even closer to you?
I get it, family and friends are meant to be “personal” relationships and therefore, you’re not suppose to judge them. I’m not telling you to judge them, but more importantly, evaluate them. Sit down and seriously observe whether your relationship with your wife is progressing; whether it’s bringing you happiness; is it helping you grow; is your relationship enhancing your life or holding you back? You should do this with all of your relationships. The sad truth is that some of your relationships are holding you back. It’s not healthy for you or the other person. If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, it doesn’t mean that you should abandon but it does mean that you have to address the issue. The worst thing you can do is ignore it.
Five Signs You’ve Outgrown Your Relationship
1. You Make Excuses
You make excuses for the other person’s behavior. You tell yourself that you are being a “good” man by being understanding and tolerant even though deep down inside, you know the relationship isn’t healthy.
2. You Tell Yourself It’ll Get Better
You tell yourself that the relationship is going through a tough time and that eventually it will get better. Everybody has ups and downs, right? So you’re just waiting for the upswing. Unfortunately, you may never see it.
3. You Blame Yourself
You tell yourself that you are responsible for the relationship being what it is. A good man takes responsibility of course. But a good man also doesn’t bury his head in the sand and take accountability for someone else’s shortcomings.
4. You Become Their Coach
Instead of being in the relationship with the person, you’ve become the coach for the person and their relationship. Unfortunately, you can’t coach a person on the very relationship that you are in with them in the first place. That’s a total conflict and it rarely works.
5. You Hold Yourself Back
You’ve been putting everything you want to do on hold or you tell yourself that it’s too risky to do. Maybe you want to start a new business or expand, or travel abroad. You don’t want to rock the boat and end up putting your goals and aspirations on hold.
What To Do Next
Whatever your reason is for justifying the relationship, just know that it’s okay evaluate it. It doesn’t make you a bad man. It makes you a more responsible man for actually paying attention to what needs to be and should be done.
The first step is to be aware of the state of your relationship. The second is to self-reflect and identify how you can improve the relationship. The third is to put a game-plan and timeline in place to improve it. This includes communicating your needs to the other person(s). The last step is to actually measure and keep track. If you’re doing your part and it’s still not improving to the degree you want, you must make a tough decision.
Standing your ground is the hardest part. For example, you can’t dump your kid if they are off track in their life and causing havoc. That would irresponsible and that’s when they may need you the most. But you can divert your energy into other areas or relationships. Always be there for those you love and care for. There will be times that you must delay your growth for the sake of others. But if you continue to find yourself in this situation, it’s not doing anyone any good. Remember that a strong and COMPLETE MAN leads to a strong and complete life.
All the best!
Purdeep Sangha
