Here’s the thing, life can get busy, and there’s always that extra task to complete in the office. But hitting those goals and milestones don’t always make us happy.
So many men find themselves running around like a headless chicken, keeping busy and active but ultimately feeling empty inside. I’ve been there, maybe you too.
It always felt like I was NEVER DOING ENOUGH. Men I coach say the same thing. They feel like they are never doing enough across all aspects of life. From business, with their spouse, kids, body, faith, all of it – basically…
“I’m not doing enough.”
So what do you do? You retreat further into your work, and you chase success and fulfillment through business. Because at least there, you see effort turning into an outcome. But that only leads to neglecting other areas of your life. Which again brings up the feeling like you are not doing enough.
The Trap of Leaving Wins On The Table
Successful men often see the imperfect way in which they WIN outside of their business life. Meaning, because they can’t or don’t have BIG grand slams at home, with their kids, or in their body, then they must suck.
But at work, you get a bonus. You get a big check. You get a simple and clear signal — I’m winning. But not in other areas, so you discount your wins and fall further into the trap of feeling like you’re not doing enough.
The Complete Man knows how to celebrate the small wins. In fact, he has the uncanny ability to celebrate and feel GOOD about any and all forward progression. In short, he has the staying power to turn small things into big things because he is not busy judging how and where he is winning.
This enables The Complete Man to feel more content and complete across all aspects of life, and that becomes a self-perpetuating prophecy of WINNING. And it all starts with FEELING like you are enough.
How Can You Be Enough?
If you feel like you are not doing enough and what you’re putting your energy into isn’t enough, you’re going to feel like you are not enough. That’s a massive problem because it creates a vicious cycle that keeps an Incomplete Man locked in an endless grind without ever experiencing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
This impacts life in many areas and forces men who feel like they are not enough to slip into self-destructive habits. This mindset will make the Incomplete Man feel like:
- I’m not good enough for my family.
- My wife deserves a better partner.
- I’m not good enough to reach the next level.
No matter how much success you may have experienced in the past, being stuck in this way of thinking will inhibit future success and personal growth. Even successful men can get stuck in this loop, but the Complete Man has been able to get himself out of it, and you can too.
But like any trap, you have to become AWARE that you are in the trap. Then the next step is to tap into a strategy to get unstuck.
Change Your Mentality & Change Your Life
In a heroic but fruitless attempt to change things, men often withdraw into the place they feel safe and most secure, which is the often abused security blanket called WORK.
But this is the wrong mentality, and you need to break the shackles of that thinking. And the reason is very simple. By retreating into work, you ultimately will just work harder. You’ll pile on more activities than ever, but it won’t change anything — because it can’t.
As we’ve seen, it’ll progress into a cycle of work, work, work, work and NO play, passion, joy, and fulfillment. It’s like chasing a rainbow, and once you get to the end, there is no pot of gold. But there is another fricken rainbow. And the pattern repeats itself.
Change your mentality and change your life. Your new thinking needs to embrace a different way of being. Focus on being self-nurturing, and focus on developing new levels of self-esteem. When you do this, you will start to value yourself in a way you have never done before, and you’ll begin to feel Complete in a way you never have.
So you won’t chase rainbows and promises of gold never received. Instead, you’ll appreciate yourself and the value you bring with who you are today. It’s this appreciation and connection that will allow you to see, experience, taste, and treasure the WINS you are having or can have in your relationship, family, and at home with your kids.
In short, you’re removing the chase and accomplishment at work as a signal that you are good enough. This is the first step and one of the biggest mental hurdles I help men to overcome.
The Complete Man realizes that his self-nurturing isn’t based on external events or factors (pots of gold). It’s entirely based on him finding value in himself and allowing himself to receive the BIG and small wins.
But where do you begin?
Build The Self-Esteem & Confidence To Take The Win
Learning to take the win starts with self-esteem and confidence. So below is an exercise I call the Appreciation Inventory. It’s simple but powerful and only takes 30-60 minutes to complete.
The Appreciation Inventory
- The 12-Month Growth Inventory: sit down and take an inventory of how you’ve grown and progressed as a man. Evaluate all roles you have from your career and business to being a husband, father, friend, son, brother. Also, include any area that pushed you to grow, faith, fitness, fears overcome. Any and everything that signals growth.
Two things to remember, first, don’t judge. Just list any and all growth and progress. And second, if you’re open and honest with yourself, you’ll ultimately find that you’ve been able to tick off tons of boxes when it comes to personal growth. - The 12-Month Accomplishment Inventory: now sit down and take an inventory of your accomplishment over the last 12 months. Again, include every area of life where have you made wins.
And remember, do not judge. Just list any and all wins: the big ones and the small ones. - The 12-Month Appreciation Inventory: lastly, read over your growth and accomplishment list, and ALLOW yourself to feel good about who you’ve become and what you’ve accomplished.
Once you’re in a positive state, amplify the appreciation you feel. Allow yourself to FEEL good about yourself. Once the state is peaked, begin listing all the things you appreciate about yourself.
Again, NO judgment. Just free flow and record every appreciative thought.
Supercharge Your Life
When men are able to do this, they’ll see a tremendous change in their life, because they’ll finally put away the judgment and chase for confirmation that they are good enough – and start living and smelling the roses that are right in front of them.
Also, what I’ve found working with men on this is that they feel a glorious sense of peace and contentment wash over them. It’s like…
“WOW, I feel like I have more time to live my life.”
This makes sense because when you learn to slow down, take on less and start feeling worthy as you are, then you’ll be able to appreciate yourself, others, and life more fully.
How To Become The Complete Man
Does that all sound good? Of course, it does! If you want to start your journey to becoming The Complete Man, execute on the above advice. And if you want to supercharge your path, then I invite you to get my new book, The Complete Man.
In the book, you’ll learn the science and blueprint to becoming The Complete Man. That’s more self-esteem, confidence, and performance capacity to achieve all that you desire in life.
