Relationships are one of the single most important things in a man’s life. In fact, relationships are so powerful that men will fight and give their life for those they love. Relationships are also the one thing that men report as making life worth living. But here’s the problem, despite relationships counting for so much, most men don’t give them the attention, focus, and strategy they deserve.
If anything, they direct all their time and energy towards their businesses and careers. But you can only have so much time and energy, and until you learn how to balance these two limited resources, your relationships will always suffer the brunt of neglect.
The Career Versus Relationship Trap
So why so much time and energy on your careers and not your relationships? Because we as guys have been taught to have goals in our careers but not in any other aspect of our life. And it’s not that your career is more important than your family. It’s just that you haven’t aligned your thinking to fit the belief that relationships need goals too. Like, “I should have a goal to be a good father, I should have a goal to be a good husband.”
In short, you’re always focused on business. And I kid you not — Energy flows where attention goes. Because we all know this… to get what you really want in life, you need well-thought-out goals, a clear purpose with a meaning behind it, and focused attention and active pursuit. It’s not rocket science. It’s basic.
But are you applying this basic principle to your relationships? Or are you applying this strategy ONLY to your career and business? Exactly…
I’ll go a step further and say that most men also relate their identity to their business or career success. Which explains why we often neglect doing what we know works. This 2018 psychological study has shown that “the strongest predictor of men’s happiness and well-being is their job satisfaction. And the strongest predictor of job satisfaction is whether men feel they are making an impact on their companies’ success.” That’s why you tend to have more goals there than any other aspect of your life.
The Vicious Cycle of Poor Relationships
But then enters the elephant in the room: poor relationships. Despite being a chief cornerstone of your life, their system of conflicting priorities pits their families against their careers. And ultimately, to reconcile the conflict, men say they want what’s best for their families and tell themselves that their career success is how they will deliver on the promise and importance of family.
But it never happens to make up for the huge gap that spouses and kids feel when a man is missing in action. So for you, has time caught up? Are you starting to feel the strain and pull, realizing that career and success obsession was all in vain?
If you’re like many successful men, then part of you will start to see that the more money and success you have, the more you realize that your relationships are what truly matter. Because what is having all the money you want, without having the time and energy to enjoy it with the ones you love.
And it’s not that you don’t understand all of this. It’s just that you don’t know how to break the pattern, and a lot of it is from societal programming, where we have two pre-programmed choices that just don’t mix. It’s like, “Yes, I want to spend more time with my family, but at the same time, I have to continue working to provide us with our lifestyle.” And I think that’s where the main problem is. How to break this pattern of false choice!
So let’s change that with these 3 simple but powerful ideas to help you create the relationships you need, want, and deserve so that you can become The Complete Man.
3 Powerful Steps to Creating Awesome Relationships
Pause And Reflect On What You Want
You need to stop for a moment and look back at the impact you’re creating. We’re always running, always pursuing, and before we realize it, it’s too late. So as a man, you need to pause and ask yourself these questions:
- Is what I’m doing improving my relationships with my family?
- Am I pursuing my business/career goals at the expense of my family goals?
- Is my family happy?
- How do I want my life to turn out?
Once you’ve reflected on the past, turn your attention to the present and future and get clear about what you want.
Know the Emotions You Want To Experience
Emotions are really the only reason why we do the things we do in life. We love because we want to be loved back. We make money because we want peace of mind. We invest because we want to be sure of the future. We plan because we want to eliminate anxiety. So what emotions do you want from what you’re doing?
Are you clear on what you want to FEEL? Or are you relentlessly pursuing out of obligation, old patterns, and material desires that are not connected to what you actually want in life?
Identify The Business/Career That Will Support Your Emotions And Lifestyle
The next step is pursuing goals and actions that will fulfill those emotions that you want. The problem with Incomplete Men is they do this in reverse. They choose a career and then work their way backward, trying to force that career to give them the lifestyle they want. And they end up frustrated. You need to have an end goal before you pursue that career. Understand the lifestyle you want, and then look for a career or build a business that will support that lifestyle.
The 3 P’s Of Creating Awesome Relationships
So what happens when you follow those three steps of creating great relationships? You get these three P’s.
- Priorities: When you work backward from your end goal, suddenly everything becomes more clear. With this clarity, you can arrange your priorities in a non-conflicting way.
What do I mean? Most men know that family should always come first, but more often than not, their businesses/careers always come first. That’s because their priorities are skewed.
- Progress: Once your priorities are set right, you will begin making progress in all the right areas in your life, including your relationships, and no area will suffer at the expense of another one.
- Purpose: When everything is set right, and you begin making progress, you will get Complete Victory: a sense of purpose and a more fulfilling life as you pursue that purpose. Because it’s not the end goal that matters, but the journey leading up to that end goal.
How to Have The Career and Relationship You Want
Remember, you can have it all! You can live a more fulfilled, successful life and have relationships that work. Let no one tell you that you have to lose in one area of your life to gain in another area. We call this experiencing Complete Victory.
If you want Complete Victory, then check out my new book, The Complete Man. In it, you’ll learn more about how to be a Mindful Alpha Male in business and life. You’ll learn the science of becoming the Complete Man, who experiences Complete Victory. Get your copy here.