You may be wondering what affection has to do with performance, especially as a man. And why is an international success coach who works with high-performing men even writing about “affection.” We as men, tend to separate all the touchy-feely stuff from our goals, tasks and activities. But how you feel has a massive impact on how you perform. Studies at Stanford show that there is a direct correlation between emotions and performance. I’ve seen this in my own personal experience as well as the experience I have from coaching many top-performers in their industry.
You Are A Creature Of Feelings
Whether you like it or not, you are a creature of feelings more than logic. What you do and how you act is mainly based on how you feel more than what you think. Studies have supported this over and over again. In my coaching programs, I show men how much more powerful they can become and how they can perform at a higher level when they leverage their feelings rather than ignore them or try to bottle them up. Embrace your feelings and learn to leverage them to your advantage. There is nothing more powerful than your emotions.
Where Affection Fits Into The Picture
Affection is defined as “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.” It’s particularly associated with the people or living things (such as pets). You feel affection towards those people and things you care about. You also receive affection from others as well. It’s that warm feeling that you get when you hug your son or daughter. As a father, one of my favorite things to do in the morning is to snuggle with my kids who are seven and five years old. They still allow me to spend time with them so I take full advantage of before they grow older.
Affection is extremely important to us as human beings. It’s why tribes bonded and stayed together since the beginning of our origin. That feeling of connection allowed us to feel safe. Although you may not have the same conscious need for safety in modern times, you still have a need for connection. Unconsciously, you need affection, not only to feel like you are safe and belong but also because it brings you joy and love. The more affection you have, the more happy you will be. A higher degree of happiness leads to less stress. Less stress leads to higher performance. If you’re a high-performing man, you probably have a lot of stress in your life. This stress is good in healthy doses but there’s a point when too much stress hinders your performance.
What Affection Really Does
Affection balances the stress levels in your life. A simple hug from your wife can remove all worry from your mind. Or a hug from your kid can make you feel like all the hard work and sacrifice you put into your career is totally worth it. Affection causes your brain to release “feel good” chemicals such as oxytocin and serotonin. Affection can simply wipe out all the negativity or stress in your world in an instant and reset you to the level you need to be operating at to perform better.
The Challenge
The challenge for some men is that their kids have moved out of the home. Or you and your wife have lost your connection. Perhaps you don’t have a pet in the house. In some respect, you’re not around those people or have the relationships where you can give or receive affection. As tough as you may think you are, you need to find that affection. You may need to rebuild some of your existing relationships or find new ones. Don’t kid yourself, just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you don’t need it. You do, so go find it!
Next Steps
All you need to do to perform better is be more intentional about giving and receiving affection. Spend a few more seconds with your hugs and fully enjoy them. Take time out to snuggle with your kids if they’re at that age where they’re okay with it. Spend more intimate time on the couch (or in the bed) with your wife. Let’s not forget about pets and man’s best friend. Sometimes hugging your dog just makes your day. If affection isn’t readily available in your life, seek it out. The more affection you have, the better you will perform.
All the best,
Purdeep Sangha
The Strategist For Businessmen
