Let’s face it. We as men, are taught to be tough. Don’t get me wrong, we were built to be tough and we should be tough. But we also need to be smart. Feeling pain is not a bad thing, nor is it being a “sissy.” There are things or events in your life that cause you pain. You cannot deny this. Whether that’s mental, physical, emotional or even spiritual pain. It’s is a part of everyday life.
Why Pain Is Good
There’s a common misconception that living a good life means that you are “pain free.” It’s actually quite the opposite. Having a good life means that you accept it and move forward with your life regardless of whether the it is there or not. Pain is a messenger. It’s there to tell you that something isn’t right in your life, whether that’s in your mind, body, relationships, business, career, financial situation or anything else.
What most guys do is try to block it out or discount the pain. It doesn’t make you any weaker to feel it. It makes you stronger because you’re able to determine what or why you are actually feeling it. The longer you block it out, the more time you waste dealing with it. Here’s a personal example. I have a herniated disk in my back from weight training. However, it wouldn’t have herniated if I had paid attention to the original symptoms it started with including back aches and soreness. I was trying to be tough and ignore the pain. If I was smart, I could’ve avoided the herniation all together if I had accepted it and dealt with it immediately.
Think of pain as your teacher. It’s there to teach you what you need to do to improve some aspect of your life. Accept it and learn from it. What in your life is causing you to feel this way right now? What do you need to do differently?
What Happens If You Don’t Accept It
Buddhists say that the source of suffering is not accepting your pain in the first place. It’s a natural part of life and the more you deny it or push it away, the longer and greater you suffer. How many times have you avoided it only to have it get worse? As a man, it’s okay to feel it. It’s okay to have sadness or anger related to it. It’s even okay to cry. The longer you resist it, the more painful your life will be and the more you will suffer.
Three Steps To Overcome Pain
1. The first step is to accept it – Allow yourself to fully embrace it and feel it.
2. Learn from it – Ask yourself “what is this pain telling me? What do I need to do or how do I need to think differently?”
3. Dissociate yourself from it – Your pain is not you, it’s just a messenger. You are not a back ache or a failing business. You are you, a living breathing human being with a soul! Your pain is a feeling associated with the situation and not a part of who you are as a person. If you make it a part of you, you will end up keeping it. If you associate it with your situation instead, you can easily move past it.
Summary
Feel your pain, accept it, learn from it and take action to overcome it. The faster you go through this process, the faster you get through your pain.
All the best!
Purdeep Sangha
